Back in the States

I am sitting here trying to write a blog with words that will never be able to express my feelings. I am back safely in the United States and I sit here and wonder selfishly if anyone will read the blog that I am going to post. Honestly at this point, I don't know what I am going to type. I am just going to let my mind spill out on the keys of the Macbook as I look into the white computer screen with words originating in my head appearing in form through a black font.

Coming back into the states was hard for me. Mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually.

-Physically because everything that I tried to eat for the first couple days back made me sick. The first meal I had was at cracker barrel and did it ever put a hurting on my stomach. Later on that day I found out that I had lost 6 pounds after thinking that I put on 6. Plus, freezing myself out of my house because of the A.C. on full blast. Things that I never had to worry about for the month in the D.R.

-Emotionally because I left a place that has grown on me tremendously over the month that I was there. In the Dominican Republic for so long, pouring into kids the love of Christ will really get you addicted to everything about it. It is something that I will think about everyday that I wake up in the world that I live in. A world that the "dream" is to make the most money that you can and show it off by buying the most expensive things in life. One thing (of many) that I noticed living in a country like the Dominican Republic, is that someone is not judged by what they possess. Sure, there are some people who live in the Dominican culture and judge people by what they have but just like America there are those people who judge by not worldly views but personal views. The more and more that I think about this, I get lead to a verse in Matthew.

"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." - Matthew 6:19-21

I believe that verse sums up everything on the emotional part. It is a struggle for me to not look into the "treasures" on earth, but it is also a fight that I am not alone in.

-Mentally I have changed a couple views on the way that love should be expressed. As you know, I really had a struggle on my hands the first few days that I was in the Dominican Republic. Really struggling with pouring into the kids. "Is what I am doing really making a difference, am I showing the love that I need to?" That question I asked myself a lot. I really felt useless for a while because I couldn't speak any spanish, the language of the Dominican side of the Island. During the end of the days of struggle I found a verse that would really be the rock of which the trip would be built on. It is awesome how God can use one sentence, one verse, 16 words to impact a mans life. There is absolutely nothing like it found in this world. Words that have been compiled that will forever change my view on a four letter word. A verse that I will end the mentally changed part because it says absolutely everything to answer the question I would ask myself.

"Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth"

-1 John 3:18

-Spiritually my life has been absolutely rocked. Everyone says that when you go outside of the country into a third world you come back changed. For me, I really saw what God hurts for. As I prayed and prayed, I asked God to break my heart for what broke His and did He ever. If you ever get a chance to sit down with me and chat about everything that I went through ask me questions about it. I would be glad to answer any question that comes to mind it is just way to much to type on here. Spiritually I came back changed in more than one way, and that really goes for all the areas that I have pointed out. Its just that these really have left a print inside of me on my heart. It is a little ironic that I point this verse out in this sequence but this is really how I found it in the D.R. After meditating on 1 John 3:18, I over looked another huge verse that would play a role. It is found right before 1 John 3:18.

"If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him."

-1 John 3:17

For me, reading this verse was a gut check. And I pray, that it checks your gut also.

As I post this I pray that what's on my mind is now found on this blog. If anyone has been trying to comment on any of the blogs and couldn't I am sorry. There is good news, you should be able to now.

-Jacob